The Most Destructive Lie You Keep Telling Yourself
How to Reframe Success for a More Effective and Fulfilling Life
On the 1st of April 1908, one of the 20th Century’s most prominent thinkers was born. Despite his birthday, Abraham Maslow was no fool: his work in psychology continues to impact wider psychology even today. Despite its apparent simplicity, one of Maslow’s most well-known theories recently led me to an interesting conclusion about the cause of widespread discontent in the modern world. Let me explain.
Teach a Man to Fish…
Here’s the abridged version of a story I was once told:
Whilst on a holiday to a small fishing village, a prominent investment banker sees a local fisherman late one morning. The fisherman is evidently returning home, and is carrying two newly-caught fish by his side. The banker approaches the fisherman, compliments him on the quality of the fish, and asks him why he only caught two of them. The fisherman shrugs, and explains that he has enough fish to feed his family for a few days. This frustrates the banker.
Calmly and methodically, the banker explains to the fisherman how—with a bit of work—the fisherman could build a large company using his fishing expertise. Of course, he would have to take out a small business loan, work long days, and build contacts across varying industries, but the financial rewards would be significant if he succeeded. The fisherman is unconvinced, and asks the banker why he would do such a thing. Growing frustrated, the banker explains how the profit from this business would give the fisherman more free time, enabling him to spend time with his family and go fishing every day. The fisherman raises an eyebrow in confusion:
“I already do that”.
This story has stuck with me for a long time, but there’s one crucial thing that it fails to mention…
The Wrong Hierarchy
Maslow’s hierarchy of needs is perhaps his most well-known work. According to Maslow, an individual must fulfill their needs in each category sequentially from bottom to top, meaning a deficiency in a certain area of one’s life may prevent them from addressing other prominent issues:
When applying this hierarchy to the fisherman’s story, we can presume that the first three layers of his need-hierarchy are fulfilled. Whilst there is no guarantee that the remaining two layers are filled, his peaceful, family-oriented life is likely (although not guaranteed) to fulfill them.
Now let’s consider the banker.
Given his prominence in a lucrative industry, we can assume that the banker is reasonably wealthy. Therefore, he can probably access the necessary resources to fulfill the first two layers of his hierarchy of needs, with his “Esteem Needs” also being satisfied by his fruitful career. Despite this, we are given no indication that the banker has any meaningful relationships in his life. This seems plausible in the real world: if you are too driven by the mere attainment of material possessions or money, you could very possibly deter potential friends and romantic partners, thereby robbing yourself of opportunities for meaningful relationships.
It wouldn’t be controversial to suggest that the banker’s business proposal is motivated by his internal greed. This, however, is where things get interesting.
Take another look at the top of the hierarchy.
Humans have a fundamental propensity to create and destroy. It’s why we build cities, form societies, wage wars, and—almost unfailingly—collapse back into relative nothingness. Unsurprisingly, this trend exists on the individual scale as well. This is why people are driven to pursue high-ranking careers, craft artistic masterpieces and master particular skills. When intrinsic variation is combined with this individualistic pursuit of improvement, the result is a diverse and competent population, capable of overcoming adversity and surviving long into the future.
What if the banker wasn’t just projecting his own greed onto the fisherman, but was unconsciously acting on behalf of his own “self-actualisation” instincts? This creates a disconnect between a person’s perceived motivations and his or her underlying needs. Let’s explore the implications of this in our own lives.
How the Rich get Richer (and Also Poorer)
For a non-trivial proportion of our lives, we seek to amass wealth. It’s why the average person trades a third of their weekdays each week for money. Some of the world’s brightest thinkers in business would tend to disagree with this approach of trading time for money, but that’s a topic for another article. For now, let’s agree that most people spend most of their lives wishing they had more money than they currently have, and they’re often willing to sacrifice happiness to grant this wish.
But why?
On a surface level, it seems pretty obvious. Money gives us free time, which gives us control, which allows us to decrease stress and increase abundance in our lives. Perhaps most importantly, money can purchase wealth-creating assets, fortifying us and our families against future economic turmoil. In this regard, money can play a large role in a well-lived life.
Okay. But why is Gucci worth over 18 billion dollars? What’s so meaningful about designer handbags?
In reality, money is commonly wasted on unnecessary lifestyle inflation. Oftentimes, stupid, quite-wealthy people waste their money on hyperluxurious products, which in turn generates money for the smart, very-wealthy owners of these brands. These consumers, caught playing in what Naval Ravikant refers to as the “Status Game”, falsely believe that money and social standing alone can allow them to live fulfilling lives. As we (and the fisherman) know, this isn’t the case.
Where to From Here?
Next time you find yourself pursuing an arbitrary goal, be mindful that the outcome may be less important than the sense of achievement it provides. Remain focussed on whatever goal you’re chasing, but stay in tune with the macroeconomics of fulfilment. Don’t sacrifice something just to reobtain it via more complicated means, and be mindful that the fish you catch are less important than the family they feed.
Never stop thinking.
- Will